Nobody goes into a marriage thinking that they will soon separate. Almost everyone says, “I do,” thinking it will be for the rest of their lives. New couples dream of building a home, a family, and a future. However, staying together forever may not be for everyone. Problems happen. Differences are not settled. Sometimes, the marriage gets so toxic and destructive that you have no choice but to go separate ways.
Divorce is Never Easy for Everyone
Saying goodbye to the person you thought was your life partner is difficult. It can destroy you emotionally and mentally. The emotional damage can almost cripple you. Some feel like they have lost their identity and purpose along with the marriage. It is a heartbreaking process, but it happens.
You do not only lose your spouse when you get a divorce; you sometimes even lose a partner, a friend, and a lover. Some others also lose their financial security and their home. Some lose time with their children. Nobody wins in a divorce, whoever files for it.
Letting Go Is Never An Easy Choice
Divorce can bring up the worst in everyone. It can bring up a wave of negative feelings. Some feel immense guilt when their marriage breaks down. Some feel anger and disappointment that their happy ever after has come to an end. Some feel shame and think that they are not good enough. Some feel hurt and bitterness at how their partners treated them.
These heavy and negative emotions can hold anyone hostage. They make letting go harder than it seems.
Letting go is what you must do, and it isn’t that impossible.
Let go of the past and a future that will never happen. You can only let go and move on if you know your current situation.
Nobody expects you to let go within a day or a week. It can be even more difficult if you have been married for years. You need time to grieve, accept, and heal. How long you need to process your divorce does not have to follow a strict timeline. Everyone heals at their own pace.
However, you cannot stay attached to an estranged partner forever. If you have been divorced for a year and you still hold a candle for your ex, it’s time to take charge. It is not healthy to keep pining for something that will never return to you.
Do not rush your healing process, but know when it is time to say, “Enough is enough.”
Seven Tips on How to Let Go
Here are some seven tried and tested tips that will make letting go bearable and manageable.
- Give yourself time to grieve.
The only way to heal from an emotional loss is to feel its full force. Do not be afraid to feel pain, disappointment, and sorrow. The longer you push them aside and ignore them, the more they become insistent. Feel it, all of it. It is the only way to begin your healing.
- See a therapist if needed.
There is no shame in seeking professional help. A therapist can help you take stock of your situation and figure out where you want to go next.
- Imagine your future.
Imagine where you want to be 3-5 years from now. Figure out what you need to do to get there.
- Bury all your unmet expectations.
Unmet expectations contribute to the breakdown of many relationships. List down those expectations your failed marriage did not meet. Visualize keeping them in a locked box. Go through them one by one, until you can let them go.
- Be honest.
Do not look at your failed relationship through rose-colored glasses. See it for what it was. Your spouse wanted out. It was not perfect. It was toxic. It was not the marriage that you both deserved.
- Clean up.
Clear your home of things that can remind you of your marriage. You do not have to throw them out if you don’t have the heart to do it. Just keep them out of sight.
- Create a life that you want.
You used to imagine a life where you had to consider what your spouse would want. Now you can imagine a life based on what you like. Think about the dreams you have set aside. Think about the places you want to go to. You have a new life ahead of you now. It’s up to you to grab it.
Call The Clark Law Office For a Divorce Lawyer That You Can Trust.
Letting go of a failed marriage is not an overnight process. It takes time. Healing and picking up the pieces of a shattered life take time. If you are going through a divorce, call an Okemos divorce lawyer who can help through the legalities. You can focus on your healing when you have the best legal team to back you up. Call The Clark Law Office now for a case evaluation.
