There are some people with high conflict personalities. These people can potentially cause a lot of strain on a relationship. A high conflict spouse, for instance, can affect you and your children negatively and can alter family dynamics dramatically as a result.
Signs of a High Conflict Spouse
Do you believe that you have a high conflict spouse? The signs aren’t always apparent. Some of the most common characteristics are the following:
- Excessively aggressive without a conscience: It is usual for people to be aggressive. What is not normal, however, is an utter lack of conscience. A high conflict spouse exhibits this kind of personality. It can have a terrifying effect on you and your children.
- Blames everyone else: Does your spouse tend not to admit mistakes and blame everyone else constantly? That is one of the most tell-tale signs that you have a high conflict spouse.
- Puts other people down constantly: A high conflict spouse will typically select a target to put down constantly. It could be you, your children, or everyone else around you.
- Excessive suspicion: High conflict spouses look for conflicts in times where there shouldn’t be any. Excessively suspicious spouses doubt everything that you do and find mistakes in them. They want to be seen as the “good” side.
- Fabricated or exaggerated behavior: A high conflict person will often have exaggerated reactions to simple things. Some even fabricate action in their “quest” to be seen as the rational side of a conflict.
How to Deal With a High Conflict Spouse
Are you currently facing a divorce or are the proceedings well on their way? Are you co-parenting after a divorce? High conflict spouses can be problematic no matter what your current situation is. Some good ways of dealing with a high conflict spouse are the following:
- Limit contact and be careful when you communicate
As much as you want to keep your spouse out of our life, this is just not possible sometimes. It is especially the case if children are involved.
Limiting contact and communication with your spouse is the best way of avoiding any conflicts. If you can, avoid meeting and limit all communications to emails, messages, and calls. Keep all messages civil, keep the tone neutral, and try to keep emotions out of them. Don’t worry about being seen as a robot.
If you absolutely need to meet, then do not do it alone. Don’t worry since this will not make you seem weak, but then again, you shouldn’t care.
- Keep calm and try to avoid emotional confrontations
Showing emotions to a high conflict spouse invites an opening for attack. Avoid emotional confrontations, and stay calm at all times. Don’t cry, scream, get angry, or show sadness. Most importantly, do not apologize. That is how a high conflict spouse gets satisfaction and reaches victory.
- Make rational and calm decisions
A high conflict spouse will put an unnecessarily high amount of stress on you. Stress can cause multiple emotional strain and physical problems. It’s surprising what constant blame and negative emotions can do to a person. These can lead a person to make irrational decisions. Avoid this at all costs. Keep your decisions calm and always try to think rationally.
- Admit that co-parenting may not be the best idea
Stress and emotional problems will cause complications in your children. Children need to grow up in a safe household. Unfortunately, a high conflict spouse can get in the way of that. If you have a high conflict spouse, you need to admit that co-parenting is not a good idea. It may be time for you two to do your parenting duties in complete separation.
- Lay down rules
Lay down ground rules and make sure to follow them at all times. Put these rules into writing if you have to. Doing so can help you minimize further problems that your spouse can cause you and your children.
Are You Dealing with a High Conflict Spouse?
Save yourself from all the unnecessary stress and let us help you deal with the situation. The Lansing divorce attorneys at Clark Law Office are used to dealing with divorces involving high conflict spouses.
Our law office has been serving Michigan for years, and our level of experience is unparalleled in the area. Contact us at +1 (517) 347-6900 or email firstname.lastname@example.org.